Self-gaslighting is so common, yet numerous individuals remain unaware that they are doing this behavior.
Do you often find yourself thinking along these lines:
"Well, I'm not sure, maybe I'm mistaken."
"Maybe I'm misread the situation."
"It's possible it didn't happen as I remember. I might be excessively sensitive."
Self-gaslighting can happen differently for each person, but the common thread is doubting your reality enough to question your own experiences.
Here are some examples of what self-gaslighting might look like:
Thinking that a sexual assault wasn't really a sexual assault.
Blaming yourself for ongoing verbal abuse from a family member.
Telling yourself that what you went through wasn't really traumatic.
Downplaying or dismissing something bad that happened to you.
Saying you're just being too sensitive.
Pushing yourself to get over something you think you should already be over.
Convincing yourself that you deserved to be treated badly.
Self-gaslighting occurs when you don't believe your own version of events. It's often caused by doubting yourself and criticizing yourself too much, which makes you question your own reality. It's like when someone else makes you doubt yourself, but you're doing it to yourself. This can make you ignore or downplay your feelings and thoughts if it keeps happening.
But is Self Gaslighting Actually Common?
Self-gaslighting doesn't have a standalone diagnosis, making it challenging to know if it happens often.
However, considering that self-gaslighting can be described as internalizing abuse, we can refer to an external source: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports that over half of adults in the U.S. have stated that they have encountered at least one adverse childhood experience, which encompasses abuse, neglect, and various forms of childhood trauma.
Self-gaslighting frequently happens when someone finds it too uncomfortable to accept their reality.
Cognitive dissonance, which occurs when a person holds conflicting beliefs or experiences contradictory information, can play a role in self-gaslighting. For instance, if your partner behaves cruelly towards you at home but acts kindly in public or among friends, you may start to doubt your own perceptions and memories. This can lead to self-gaslighting, where you convince yourself that you might be misinterpreting their behavior or recalling events inaccurately. A common manifestation of this type of self-gaslighting includes statements like, "Maybe I'm just too sensitive," or "Perhaps I'm simply not remembering it correctly."
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Individuals who frequently experience gaslighting themselves may engage in self-gaslighting more frequently. For example, studies have shown that individuals belonging to certain groups may experience distinct forms of gaslighting, such as racist gaslighting or parents gaslighting their transgender children.
What are the Risks of Self-Gaslighting?
Initially, research links any type of gaslighting with profound self-doubt, alongside conditions like anxiety, depression, and addiction.
It can also be a defense mechanism of unresolved trauma.
How to Break Free?
Acknowledge that this behavior forms a consistent pattern in your life.
Take time to practice your improve self-awareness.
Focus on enhancing your self-confidence, as it can diminish the influence of the critical inner voice. Engage in regular discussions about your reality across all aspects of your life.
Resources:
Charlie Health. (n.d.). What Is Self-Gaslighting and How to Stop. Retrieved from https://www.charliehealth.com/post/what-is-self-gaslighting-and-how-to-stop#:~:text=Self%2Dgaslighting%20can%20manifest%20as,symptom%20of%20an%20underlying%20problem.
Healthline. (Year). Unlearning Self-Gaslighting. Healthline. Retrieved from https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/unlearning-self-gaslighting
Sources:
duRivage-Jacobs, S. (2023, November 21). Self-gaslighting is real-here’s how to stop it. Charlie Health. https://www.charliehealth.com/post/what-is-self-gaslighting-and-how-to-stop#:~:text=In%20an%20article%20for%20Psychology,and%20turning%20the%20blame%20inward.
Sussex Publishers. (n.d.). How people can gaslight themselves. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/invisible-bruises/202205/do-you-engage-in-self-gaslighting-heres-how-to-help
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